Welcome to my 10th bad idea. I am genuinely proud of myself for being able to make it into the double digits. This is quite a success for me as I am the type of person who is interested in 1203980123 things and thus never end up doing 1 of those things consistently. So yay me!
But you didn’t come here to listen to me being happy for myself, no you came here to laugh at my ideas and pity my existence. So without further ado, here it goes…
c o n c e p t
What flavour is this?
EH????? It’s original DUH!
What flavour is this?
EH????? It’s ketchup DUH!
What flavour is this?
EH????? It’s sriracha lime DUH!
p r o d u c t
Eh? Duh! Mommy is a brand of edamame that encompasses a variety of different flavours. If you’ve never heard of edamame, that means that you’ve never been to an all you can eat sushi joint, which also means you’ve never experienced eating to a point where you hate your existence. We make the snack that you slip into your AYCE sushi orders to balance all the sushi you’ve been eating accessible and convenient in any situation. Think of this as a healthier version of chips. It’s still got the savoury aspect of chips but instead of being unhealthy it’s filled with FIBRE (a quick google search lead me to this FACT).
b r a n d i n g
Our brand is embodied by a sassy mama, also known as Eh? Duh! Mommy. She is sassy, filled with attitude, and not afraid to say what’s on her mind. She almost always says things in a pretentious manner. If someone talks to her, her sentences will always start with “EH?” followed eventually with a “duh” down the line. For example:
Innocent passerby: Hey, do you have a boyfriend?
Innocent passerby mumbles: …errr..do you have a boyfriend?
Eh?Duh!Mommy: DUH!!!! Do you think a bodacious mommy like myself is ever out of supply for men?
Flight attendant: Would you like the chicken or vegetarian option?
Flight attendant: Chicken or veggie
Eh?Duh!Mommy: CAN YOU NOT TELL THAT I’M A LEGUME, HOW COULD I POSSIBLY EAT MY OWN KIN. I will have the chicken DUH!!!!
Pretentious moviegoer: I didn’t think The Shape of Water was that great.
Pretentious moviegoer: I mean should it have really won an Oscar???
Eh?Duh!Mommy: Have you seen that beautiful sea creature? It’s obviously more of a man than you’ll ever be. Any movie that can make a non-human sexy deserves all the awards, DUH!!!!
I think you get the gist of what kind of baggage she is. After-all, edamame is made from immature soybeans, and immature she truly is. Wikipedia never lies.
As her personality is a big part of our brand, we will incorporate this type of language throughout all of our packaging and advertisements in order to build a strong consistent brand.
All our flavours will be listed as follows:
“EH??? It’s _____ DUH!”
And oh will we have an abundance of flavours. There will be original (just salty), ketchup (because I’m Canadian), and various other flavours that you would’ve never thought of combining. There is nothing to worry about over the flavour combinations, because even though I treat my own body as a trash can, I will have food scientists that are skilled in the art of combining various flavours advising me so that you get to experience what culinary heaven feels like.
PS. Fun fact when I was designing our lovely heroine, I found her glasses on google by googling “sassy glasses”
D I S T R I B U T I O N C H A N N E L S
Let’s talk distribution channels. Woahhh, poop’s getting serious, this is the first time I’ve used this heading before. We will have a set of predetermined flavours that will be distributed within grocery stores, depanneurs (or corner stores as everyone outside of Quebec would say), gas stations, and other retailers that sell snacks.
Additionally we will have small booths in shopping centres and other central locations where the customer will get to choose the spices they want to use and we will shake things up (aka the beans and the spices) for them. This would act as a competitor to popcorn and pretzel shops within malls. WATCH OUT GUYS! This mommy is coming to townnnnnn…~silence~. This experience would allow the customer to create their own flavours because everybody has their own kink and sometimes it’s just not offered for mass consumption. Side note: Craigslist could be the place if you have a kink. It is either the place where you find the horrors of humanity or where your dreams could potentially be made.
With these two distribution channels, we allow our customers easy access to our goods as they are being sold centrally. Not only are we selling a healthy snack alternative, but we are also selling convenience (through our retailer channel) and customizability (through our snack booths).
Shirley: So that’s it for my blog today
Shirley: Yah! That’s it, I’m done for the day
Eh?Duh!Mommy: DON’T GO GIRLLLL, YOUR FANS NEED YOU DUH!!!!
Shirley:EH???? Silly Eh?Duh!Mommy, I have no fans DUH!!!!